TODD NICKERSON: I am a paedophile. I am not a monster, I have the attraction but I don’t act on it.
TODD NICKERSON: I am Todd Nickerson. I am a non offending paedophile. I have never ever sexually abused a child, I never will. I do not look at child porn, I never will. I obey the laws. I respect the laws. I respect society’s position on this. I understand it and agree with it.
TODD NICKERSON: I am part of one of the most hated groups of society, no question about it. We are the scapegoats du jour. If you look at history there is always one minority that seems to be the, you know, the one that everybody kind of persecutes and I think we are it. I am campaigning for better treatment of people like me, you know who are non-offending paedophiles. Not all paedophiles are child molesters and not all child molesters are paedophiles. A paedophile is, strictly speaking, is just somebody who has the sexual attraction to children, they may act on it, they may not. Paedophiles come from all walks of life, you know, we come from all sorts of economic backgrounds, different occupations and we look like everybody else. There are a lot of teachers and people that, you know, who do work with kids, but I think most of us just hold regular jobs.
INTERVIEWER: How would you say you manage to control your sexual urges?
TODD NICKERSON: A lot of people think that if you are attracted to kids that you have some kind of like
INTERVIEWER: What age groups are you attracted to?
TODD NICKERSON: I would say that it probably starts about four, three-four years old and then goes up in
TODD NICKERSON: I am a political activist for virtuous paedophiles, which is a forum that I belong to. I am out, you know, talking to the media and things, basically making the case for VirPed.
TODD NICKERSON: The forum is devoted to helping paedophiles who do not want to offend. There are approximately a few thousand members. We have people who do feel, guilty, deal with shame and we try to help them get past that because, you know, they didn’t choose their sexuality, you know, as long as they are not acting on it and they are devoted to doing the right thing. You know, our philosophy is, there is no reason to feel guilty for that.
TODD NICKERSON: We can talk about books or movies or music or whatever, you know. Just basically it is a hang out spot for kind of an all-purpose forum for non-offending paedophiles. Our goals are to educate the public and also to bring people who are struggling with this attraction to our forum so that we can help them, you know, provide a circle of support for them. There is not a lot of people that are out doing what I do. There is just a handful of us doing it.
INTERVIEWER: What was the reaction when you first decided to show your face on the internet so to speak?
TODD NICKERSON: What was the reaction from the public? Well it was, I got a, you know, I got a pretty public backlash. But by the same token I actually got a lot of support privately. I got hundreds and hundreds of emails from people who were very supportive. A lot of them were people who were survivors of abuse.
INTERVIEWER: Are you worried about your own personal safety in putting yourself in the public eye?
TODD NICKERSON: You know, I used to be worried about my safety and I do take some precautions. I carry this pocketknife with me, just in case I ever get attacked. It has never happened but you know I have got if I need it. It is a spring blade. There might be some crazy out there, who decides to attack me, plus I have this so you know, that tends to deter most people.
TODD NICKERSON: I was born without my right hand, it just didn’t grow properly, I have to wear this, slips right back on.
TODD NICKERSON: Just like that.
TODD NICKERSON: There was one event that basically hammered it home for me, I call it my eureka moment. It was the moment I realized I’m interested in these younger girls, I was 13 and a neighbour had come over to visit. He had brought his little daughter with him. She was probably about seven or eight years old. I was sitting in the living room drawing and I just remember looking up and just being blown away by how beautiful I thought she was.
TODD NICKERSON: Initially I repressed the feelings, you know, especially in my teen years because I was a regular at a church. I had asked God to take it away and you know, I kind of felt like he had. Then as I started aging and realized that the age of the girls that I was attracted to were staying the same. That is kind of when I realized, you know, this was going to be a problem.
TODD NICKERSON: I went out with a girl when I was 20 years old, she was 26, and she was very petite, so she was my type, physically or I thought, you know, at the time. This time I still wasn’t really that attracted to adults but I thought that well maybe I can make this work, you know. We dated for about three weeks. I kept putting sex off. Finally, I gave in. We tried it, and it just didn’t work. I went on a couple of dates after that with a couple of girls but, you know, it never really got past that first date stage and, it just my heart wasn’t in it. For all intents and purposes, I am a virgin. You know, I have never had full-blown sexual intercourse. Just hasn’t happened. INTERVIEWER: You had suffered abuse as a child?
TODD NICKERSON: Yeah.
INTERVIEWER: Can you tell us about that?
TODD NICKERSON: I came over to visit my grandmother. There was a guy that they didn’t really know him that well, he was an acquaintance and she asked me if I would take him outside to show him my grandpa’s garden and he went out to the side of the garden and sat down on the ground and patted the ground indicating that he wanted me to sit by him. And, so I did and then he just basically touched me. So it was a one-time event, I wouldn’t say that it was the only thing that led to my sexuality. I would say that there were probably a lot of other things that led me in that direction. But yeah, I think it was probably a contributing factor.
TODD NICKERSON: You know, I am a pretty reclusive person by nature. So I am just, I don’t interact with the public that much anyway. You know I don’t go out of my way to be around children. If they are around me, then they are around me. You know, it happens you can’t completely cut yourself off. TODD NICKERSON: My niece and my friend’s daughter did that one, a friend’s daughter did that one and then a friend’s daughter did that one. INTERVIEWER: And they are ok with that, are they fine?
TODD NICKERSON: Yeah, because they know that I am no danger to them, you know, they are probably safer with me than they are with like, you know, a lot of non-paedophiles.
TODD NICKERSON: I have a pretty healthy imagination. I think it helps me to process my sexuality in healthy ways that don’t involve any real children. You know, a lot of my fantasies actually revolve around kids who are more powerful than I am. You know, this idea of super-powered kids, you know, who are able to consent, you know, because they are just super smarter, you know, they could just crush me if I hurt them.
TODD NICKERSON: My family recognizes that I am doing something important, you know, that I am kind of a pioneer, that I am out here doing something that really needs to be done and you know, raising awareness and letting people know what people like me deal with, what we struggle with.
TODD NICKERSON: I am happier every day and I am actually, I feel like I have a purpose now. I am neither proud nor ashamed of being a paedophile; at this point I just accept it, it’s who I am.